


Circus Of Your Mind

by DankMemes_BrokenDreams



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gambling, Heavy Angst, M/M, Men Crying, Panic Attacks, Russian Roulette, Self-Harm, The Author Regrets Everything, kaito momota needs a hug, minor character death but I tagged it as major just in case, not really rape but I want to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 18:11:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DankMemes_BrokenDreams/pseuds/DankMemes_BrokenDreams
Summary: "Living on a Merry go'round and round you seem to goUnderstand that we have no timefor the circus of your mind." -Circus of your mind, Finding Neverland





	Circus Of Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT SO  
> I started working on this a while ago, but I lost all motivation and started working on other projects. But hey, it's still a decent fic, why let it go to waste? So here it is, a completely un edited, unfinished fic. It's never going to be finished, ever. You guys can do whatever you want with this, I don't really care.  
> WARNINGS  
> I don't know much about mental illnesses, especially the ones I'm writing about here. I apologize if this offends anyone. ALSO: this work contains death, self harm, self hatred, panic attacks, and not happy things. Please please please be safe while reading this
> 
> alright with all that out of the way, enjoy!

Circus of your mind

"You are living on a merry go round

Round and round you seem to go

Understand that we have no time

For the circus of your mind"

"I am not sick!!!" Kaito screamed at his grandparents, tears streaming down his red face. Said grandparents were just staring sadly at him, hands folded together on their laps. They were sitting on their tattered beige couch, while Kaito was standing up. He was in a defensive pose, hands protecting his chest. His breathing was ragged, chest heaving disorderly.

"Grandson...we're sorry, but this is for your own good." His grandfather spoke, eyes looking down solemnly. His purple haired grandchild screamed once more, the scream not sounding human. An animal scream, coming from the deepest, most instinctual part of him. His purple eyes were wild, pupils dilated. 

"G-guys please!" He runs up to them, and falls on his knees, still sobbing. "Please! I'm not sick! Don't make me go there!" His grandmother got off the couch and got on her knees. She wrapped her arms around her panicking grandson. 

"It will be alright...just trust us. Please, just calm down..." 

"I...I'm not..." Kaito breathed, resting his head on his grandmother, who was rubbing his back soothingly. He was still crying, but not screaming anymore. "I...don't want..." 

"I'm sorry...shall we simply watch a movie?" Kaito simply nodded as he got up, and laid down on the couch. 

"Kousei, can we please talk?" His grandmother asked, staring at his grandfather. 

"Sure." The grey haired man got up, leaving Kaito alone in the living room. The couple walked into the kitchen, closing the door behind them. The astronaut was lying down chest up, tears still streaming down his face. He began to scratch his right Arm with his nails, red blood beginning to stream from the thin cuts that he had just created. His eyes fluttered close, as he kept scratching. There was shouting in the kitchen, which he tried to drown out, but eventually he couldn't help but eavesdrop. 

"Kaori! This is for the greater good, you know this!"

"Yes, yes I do. But still! Sending him to that place...it's a bit extreme!"

"Intermittent explosive disorder is serious! This is what the doctor said to do!" 

"I-I know..." Kaori sighed, sniffling. "I just feel so bad...he doesn't want this..." Kousei didn't respond, he only sighed, before moving to get a glass of water. Kaori walked back into the living room. She saw her grandson still lying on the couch, small streaks of blood staining his white button up shirt. She gasped slightly, before grabbing his arm. She pulled him up and spoke softly, "dear, will you please go take a shower? Then you can go to bed..." 

"alright. And grandma,I'm sorry..."

"It is alright...it's not your fault." Kaito nodded, then walked up the wooden stairs. They creak under his weight. He goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. There are motivational pictures and sayings covering the walls. "You can do it!" "I believe in you, so you should definitely believe in yourself!" He can't help but feel a bit of guilt, knowing that he is the cause for such images. He turns the knob on the shower, the water streaming out of it ice cold. He stared into the mirror as he undressed. 

"No need to worry! I'm Kaito Momota, luminary of the stars! And eventually those people at that place will realize that I'm fine and let me leave!" He reassured himself, giving a thumbs up to the mirror. With these thoughts in mind, he quickly undressed, throwing all his clothes except for the jacket that his parents got him aside, and hopped in the shower. The water was now slightly warmer, the temperature now tolerable. He hadn't even bothered looking at his arm.

Time passes.

He gets out of the shower, then wraps a towel around his waist. He opens the door, the door creaking, and walked into his bedroom. He got out a black t-shirt with simple White stars, and some sweatpants. He grabbed his signature galaxy jacket, and put that on as well. His bed creaks under his weight as he flops onto it, burrowing into the mountain of unmade blankets. His grandmother walks in and turns off the light while he pretends to sleep. She kisses his check and whispers something that sounds like 'I love you'. He can't deny the pain that twinges in his chest after he hears that. She leaves. The bed creaks once more as he moves to put a pillow over his ear, trying in vain to block out the sounds of 'your fault'.

It's all your fault

You are the reason that they are in pain

You are the reason she has a bruise on her right cheek

You are the reason they are gone

You are the reason you can't befriend anyone

It's all your fault 

Your fault 

Your fault

Your fault

He won't admit that he has these thoughts. Not even to himself. 

He pretends to sleep.

Sun shines through his window, blinding him. He groans and gets up. It's the last day before he's sent away to a crazy person hospital, might as well make the best of it, he thinks dryly to himself as he forces himself out of bed. He g  
He gets changed into a navy blue shirt and purple jeans, keeping his magenta and galaxy jacket on. "Hey grandma!" He walks out of his bedroom, putting on his best smile.

"Good morning, Kaito!" His grandmother responded, trying to ease his nerves. She too felt nervous about what was going to happen tomorrow. "It's 11 o'clock. You slept in." She made the statement, then started walking down the wooden stairs. Kaito followed, going down two steps at a time. The oak wood was chipping away after years of use. There were paintings and photos decorating the pale blue walls. His heat twists when he looks at them. He gets to the floor, stumbling a little when he missed the last step.

"I'm gonna go hang out with some friends! I won't be back after 8." He called to his grandmother while running out the door.

"Don't forget to eat-...and he's gone." Kaori sighed, then sat down on the couch in the living room. 

Kaito was sprinting down the gravel road, his jacket fluttering behind him. 

"Oi! Momota! You're late!" A tall man with a pompadour shouted at him, throwing a cigarette butt on the ground. Kaito ran up to him, panting slightly. He stared at his 'friends'. A man with fluffy red hair and a tongue piercing, a short man with shaved blonde hair, and the leader. 

"Where've you been, man?" The redhead punched his arm, making him flinch slightly.

"Eh, yknow, stuff." Kaito responded, shifting from foot to foot.

"Stuff? What kinda stuff?" The short one put his first up threateningly. Or, it would've been if he wasn't 5'1.

"Screwing girls?" The leader, the one with the pompadour, chimed in with a smirk.

"N-no! Nothing like that!" Kaito shouted, already seeing red.

"Oi, calm down. Have a smoke, why don't you." The leader held out a pack of cigarettes to the aspiring astronaut. He hesitated, then took one.

"Thanks, Owada." He spoke halfheartedly. Owada responded by nodding, his face fixated in a scowl. 

"Hey, so what are we gonna do today?" The redhead spoke up, a hand combing through his long locks. 

"God, you're all so fucking stupid."

"Oh, then what are we gonna do, ku-zu-ry-u?" 

"Anyone in to rake up a little cash? Kuzuryu smiled in a way that suggested trouble. He took a drag of his cigarette, then stared at the other 3 men who were waiting for him to continue. "Jesus fucking Christ, do you have jelly for brains?! Don't you know what I'm implying?!"

"Just tell us, ya midget!" Owada yelled.

"The fuck did you just say to me?! Do you wanna fucking go?!"

"Guys, guys! Just let Kuzuryu tell us what he was planning."

"Thanks, Kuwata. Anyway, you guys remember Celestia, right? Long black hair, Lolita, it's hard to forget her." Kaito swallowed hard, knowing exactly who his friend was talking about. Celestia Ludenburg was a female gambler who had acquired quite the reputation. She was known for taking multiple drunk men's life savings and laughing as she did it. The gambler went to a school that played these types of games often, the headmaster not caring if classmates drained each other of all their money, before transferring to the local high school here. She had made multiple of his friends rake in a ton of debt, some of them even had to start living in the streets. Kuzuryu wanted to mess with her...for fun?

"You...you want to gamble...with her?" Kaito choked out, eyes wide with disbelief.

"What's wrong, Momota? Are you some sort of coward?" 

"H-huh?! No! I'm definitely no coward." Red flashed behind Kaito's eyes as his hand curled into a fist. 'How dare he call me a coward?! I'll show him!' He thought. 

"Then what's the problem? Does your grandmommy not want you having a bit of fun?"

"Wh-why are you egging him on-"

"Silence, Kuwata." Owada cut him off, before continuing, "let's watch the show." Kaito's chest was heaving in and out with rage as he glared at the blonde. His fist was clenched so tightly that his nails were drawing blood from his palm. He felt the red liquid trickle down his wrist, making the scratches sting.

"I think you're just scared. You always were a pussy. That's why you di-" Kuzuryu was cut off by Kaito's fist. It slammed into his jaw, moving so quickly that it made him fall to the floor.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kaito screamed, "just shut up! For once in your life! Just!" the astronaut pounced on the dazed boy, punching him once more. "Just! Shut! Up!" He screamed at him, hitting him each time for emphasis. 

There were a few long moments before Kuzuryu spoke again.

"G-goddamn, Momota." Kuzuryu glared at him, spitting out blood.

"I am not a fucking coward." Kaito spoke to him, voice calm but eyes wild, before getting up. He tried to ignore the overwhelming feeling of guilt twisting in his stomach. Kuwata went over to help the fallen boy, staring at Kaito with an unreadable expression. Pity? Fear? Kaito couldn't tell. 

"I like that idea, Kuzuryu!" Owada spoke, seemingly not caring about Kuzuryu's wellbeing. "Where is this Celestia girl?"

Go st-straight, then turn le-left. I'll tell you where to go a-after that." Kuzuryu was swaying on his feet, relying on Kuwata to keep him upright. The 4 men started to follow Kuzuryu's instructions, and eventually ended up in an alleyway. There was a musty door in the wall, mold covering the top and bottom. Owada and Kuzuryu were grinning widely while Kuwata and Kaito were standing behind, pretending to not be scared. Kuzuryu knocked on the door.

One knock 

Two knocks

Three quick knocks

One knock 

"Enter~" a voice spoke from the other side as the lock clicked open. The four of them did as she said, eyes widening on what was inside. The walls were dark and decaying, mold growing on them. There was a table in the middle, covered in tokens and playing cards. There were multiple briefcases in the back, most likely containing money from unsuspecting players. There was a ratty couch in the corner, where Celestia was sitting and staring at them. She twirled one of her twin tails while smirking, red eyes twinkling.

"Ah, hello, Fuyuhiko~. A pleasure seeing you here again. And you've brought your friends. Lovely." Kaito couldn't believe that he was standing in front of the Celestia Ludenburg again. She was just as beautiful and mysterious as he remembered. She got up from her couch and strode in front of them. 

"Bored again?" She asked Fuyuhiko, her smirk changing to a full out grin.

"We all have our wallets. Let's play." Fuyuhiko responded, already making his way to the playing table.

"What game?"

"You choose." The other three sat down, Celestia at the head.

"How about...a game of Russian roulette? Three bullets in, 50/50 chance, should cure your boredom~." Before anyone else could cut in, Owada smiled and voiced his willingness. 

"Very well then. But let's raise the stakes. You chicken out, you give me all your money. That way, it's not boring for anyone." Without waiting for a response, the gambler glided into a separate room, and returned with a gun and three bullets. She made sure everyone was watching as she filled the gun.

Three bullets in

Three spaces left

Let's see what side luck is on today

"Mondo," Celestia spoke, pushing the gun to him. She seemed to enjoy calling people by their first name, Kaito noted. "You first~."

"A-ah, alright." Mondo nodded, his pompadour bouncing up and down along with his head. Kaito noticed his hands were shaking, but he knew he'd be dead if he mentioned it. Owada picked up the gun, spun the chamber, then put it to his head. Everyone was staring at him, their eyes eager and anxious. He put his finger on the trigger.

Click

Nothing

He laughed, claiming it was out of pride, but it seemed to be out of relief. He put the gun down, sliding it to his left. Kuzuryu was next. He picked up the gun, staring at it.

"This is nice. What kind is it?"

"If you survive I'll tell you~." Fuyuhiko then put the gun to his head, smirking.

"Y-you're not even afraid?.." Kuwata asked, sweating from nerves.

"Psh, I ain't afraid of death. A mafia boss like me has to get used to that fear." He gave the simple explanation, then pulled the trigger.

Click

Nothing

"Aight Momota, your turn." Fuyuhiko's golden eyes stared at him challengingly, still not forgiving him from the ordeal that happened earlier. 

"I-I..." Kaito hesitated, before picking up the gun. "If I die, I'm haunting you specifically." It felt nice to make a threat kind of joke, but there was a type of finality to it. His hands were shaking, eyes glossed over. He tried in vain to stifle the burning fear that was choking him, grabbing his neck, arms, legs, before finally snapping him. The fear that made him want to sprint out of there before he died, before he was doomed to life in a mental facility. His mind was racing, sweat dripping down his back.

Life or money

Life or money

Life or-  
"Don't you love it?" Celestia caught his attention. "The fear, the adrenaline, the unknown. Will you live, will you die? It's up to luck to decide your fait. Raw luck. Don't you love it? Isn't it addicting?" The gambler asked him, leaning forward.

"U-uh.."

"There's no need to answer, Kaito. Just play." The way she said it seemed like an order. There was Nowhere to run.

Click

Nothing

He didn't even try to hide his sigh of relief as he threw down the gun, closing his eyes in a moment of pure bliss. He understood where Celestia was coming from. This feeling, this high, it was...amazing.

"Alright Leon, second to last~." If Kaito thought he was nervous, he should've taken a look at Leon. The poor boy was shaking, his skin was pale, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"I-I don't...I c-cant..."

"Your life or your money, Leon. I don't care which." Tears began to stream down his face as he picked up the gun. He brushed his red hair out of the way as he tried to calm himself.

"I-i don't want to d-die." He choked out, voice strangled. His hand was shaking so much that the gun could hardly sit straight on his temple. "I-I'm only 17! I st-still have a l-life ahea  
Of m-me!" 

"Jeez, dude. You don't know if you're gonna die. It'll be okay." Kaito tried in vain to calm the boy down. Said boy was sobbing now. 

He put his finger on the trigger. "I don't want to die." He whispered, mostly to himself, as he pulled the trigger.

Click

B A N G

For a moment, all Kaito could see was white. He wishes the blinding light would take him, so that he wouldn't see what he saw when his vision cleared. There was blood and brain covering the walls. The corpse was still sitting on the seat, the gun still clutched in his hand. Leon Kuwata, an aspiring musician, had just...died. Just like that. Kaito couldn't breathe. His legs felt like jello as he sprinted out of the room. Fuyuhiko and Mondo followed him, ignoring Celestia's cheerful voice ringing through the air, "I'll see you all soon, and we shall play again." The door shut, locking once more, leaving Celestia and the newly dead corpse inside. Once they escaped, Kaito fell to his knees. He gagged, while Fuyuhiko mumbled under his breath. Mondo was staring at the ground, his lavender eyes glaring at the tiny pebbles. No one spoke to each other. Leon Kuwata, the only person Kaito considered a friend, the only person that Kaito enjoyed talking to, he had just died before his eyes. Kaito couldn't breathe, he couldn't believe, his mind was racing, he was trying to rid of the horrible image that was burned into his eyelids. 

"Sh-shit." Was all Fuyuhiko said, tugging on his jacket. 

"G-god. Are we gonna get arrested?" Mondo asked. 

"That's what your worried about?! Not the fact that one of our friends just died?!" Kaito shouted, rising from his knees and looking at Mondo with rage in his eyes.

Red

"Well, ye-"

Flashing red

Control yourself 

"No! Just shut up! I don't want to hear your stupid justifications! You killed him, you know. You both did." The astronaut sprinted away, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He ran through neighborhoods, past his house, past nearby gas stations, Past a group of kids in clown costumes playing on a playground. Past a small, purple haired boy who was looking at him with curious eyes. Eventually, he stopped and sat on a bench, panting heavily. It was a small town he had ended up in. There were apartments and shops lining the streets. It had a kind atmosphere, the colors bright and pastel. Light blues danced with light purples and pinks, covering the store fronts with something pleasant to the eye. Chocolate shops, bookstores, hippie restaurants with the doors open, gardens filled to the brim with flowers. Multiple people strode past, each looking different. A boy with cloud looking white hair holding hands with a boy who had brown hair with a sharp antenna sticking up, a man who looked snobby with glasses and a dark blue suit. Kaito felt invisible as he continued to sit down on the wooden bench, not moving. A girl with large, strawberry blonde pigtails standing next to a girl with short black hair. A boy with long brown hair sticking out in every direction, pacing, seemingly looking for someone. All these people, each with their own stories. 

Invisibility

He began to wonder about Leon. Occasionally, they would hang out together without the other two boys. Leon acted differently then, making jokes and acting like a normal teenager. On rare occasions, he told Kaito secrets. Kaito closed his eyes and remembered a specific time, when they were having a sleepover at his house.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Momota. Momota, you awake?" Leon whispered to the once sleeping boy.

"Yeah, what's up."

"Can we talk?" The redhead looked hesitant, fiddling with his loose tank top. 

"What's wrong?" 

"What do you wanna do? After you turn 18?" 

"Be an astronaut, of course! What about you?"

"I-I...want to run away." Kaito had sat up immediately, eyes widening in shock. He gestured for Leon to continue. "I don't want to be stuck here in Japan, being known as a baseball star. I want to run to America, California specifically, and be a musician! I-I've been talking to a famous music artist from here, Ibuki Mioda she's called, and she said that she would be willing to work with me if I were to come over there! So, when I'm 18, I'm leaving this life behind and going over! Will you join me?" Leon was bouncing on his legs excitedly, eyes seemingly holding stars. Kaito was surprised, he had thought Leon was happy here. He thought about the idea of running away, leaving everything behind, buying a ticket and just going, and realized that he liked it. No, change that. He loved it. 

"Alright, I'll go with ya. We should probably change our names, yknow Kuzuryu would kill us if he found out," Kaito Joked. He recalled how much Leon wanted this, how excited they both were.  
But Leon was never going to see it.

Never 

Never never never never never   
Kaito snapped out his daydream, noticing tears running down his face. The gravity of Leon's death had finally set in. He tried to wipe them, but more took their place. There were a few people staring at him as they walked by. Oh no,  
he didn't feel invisible anymore. He checked his phone in an attempt to act natural.   
4 o'clock   
It wouldn't hurt to be home a little bit early.   
He got up and began to briskly walk back to his house. At first, he didn't know where he was, but he soon began to recognize certain areas. The supermarket where he ruined a carpet and a bottle of pasta sauce, the park where he broke his elbow, the restaurant where he tried spaghetti for the first time, the road where he...  
He stumbled a bit, clinging on to a tree for support. No, not that. Please don't think about that. Taking a deep breath, he began to walk again. It was around 4:45 when he returned. 

"H-hey grandma! I'm home!" He shouted, feeling tears well up again.

Leon

Leon

Leon

"Hello, Kaito! You're home early, how was your friends?" Kaori came bounding down the stairs, reaching out her arms for a bone crushing hug. After making sure Kaito's skeleton was squashed into powder, she kissed both his cheeks.

"They were...fine. Listen grandma, I'm really tired. I'm gonna chill in my room until dinner, alright?" Kaito had considered telling her about what happened, but decided against it. It was none of her concern, she shouldn't have to worry about his stupid mistakes. Kaori nodded, noticing his pause but saying nothing, then walked into the dining room. Kaito sprinted up the stairs, unable to control his tears, and jumped on his bed. He sobbed, finally letting go of his grief. He stayed like that, curled up into a ball and crying, until Kousei called him down for dinner. 

"O-one minute!" The astronaut yelled back, before getting up on shaky legs and walking to the bathroom. He stared into the mirror, wincing at how bad he looked. His eyes were red and puffy, his face was also red, his hair was disheveled, and his shirt was wrinkled. He turned the sink on, and splashed water on a his face. A little bit better, he supposed. His hands gripped the marble counter of the bathroom, knuckles turning white. He took a deep breath, then began to walk down the stairs. Kaori and Kousei were sitting at their round wooden dinner table, the traditional stew that they had made still steaming. 

"Hey guys!" He walked over to them, then sat down. "Smells good."

"Thank you." His grandfather bowed his head, while smiling. His grandmother was staring out the window. Her eyes, normally a bright gold, were gray and distant.

"Grandma?" Kaito waved a hand in front of her face, causing her to snap out of it.

"Ahaha, sorry Kaito. Just...spaced out." Kaori laughed, brushing it off. Kaito nodded, pretending to understand why she was acting so strange. He didn't have much of an appetite, so he merely picked at the stew. 

"So, are you ready for tomorrow?" His grandfather asked, staring at him nervously. 

"Y-yeah." He lied, plastering his best fake smile on his face. 

"Oh! I forgot, you still need to pack a bag!" His grandma spoke up. She then went into the hall closet, pulling out a tattered black backpack. It's interior was covered with a galaxy pattern. It was Kaito's backpack from elementary school, back before he cared what people think.  
Back before...  
He quickly snapped out of his trance, focusing back on the backpack. 

"Damn, I haven't seen this thing in ages!" Kaori handed him the bag, before continuing speaking. "You don't need to pack clothes, by the way. The place will provide for that, apparently." Kaito nodded in response. He then got up, ran into his room, and began packing the bag.

Toothbrush? Check

Toothpaste? Check

Hairbrush? Check

Five bottles of hair gel? Check

Astronaut training papers? Check

Favorite galaxy blanket? Check

He stared at the final item. Should he bring it? He was hesitant, but decided to bring it anyway.

Diary? Check

He doesn't think he needs anything else, right? He checked the clock, and it read 7:30 pm. Sighing, he sat back down on the floor, resting his head on the end of his bed. The people there will be crazy, he though to himself. They're gonna be insane.  
Well, it's not like I'm any different. His chest went up and down as he sighed once more, trying to clear out the bubbling feeling that was beginning to form in his lungs along with a lump in his throat. Was he forgetting anything? He decided to busy himself with looking around for more things to bring. He groaned at the fact that electronics of any kind were not allowed.   
Oh shit, wait.  
There was one thing he forgot. He rushed into the bathroom once more and grabbed his bottle of prescription pills. He also grabbed some cologne and some headphones. Stuffing it in his backpack, he looked at the list once more. He also grabbed his deck of cards (which contained cigarettes and a lighter), and a few colored pens. That was all the list said to bring. He checked the clock again. 7:45. It's red numbers gleamed at him, almost mockingly. He looked at his ceiling. 

Why do I have to go

Why am I different 

Why am I like this

Why is it me

Why

Why 

Why?!

Red flashed before his eyes and he needed to hit something. Hit anything. He rammed his fist into the wall, the noise deafening. A shout escaped his mouth because damn he did not expect that to hurt that much (and is that blood on his hand?) He staggered back a few steps, panting. He heard his grandparents running up the stairs, thinking he was hurt. Red kept flashing before his eyes.

Leave me be

Leave me alone...

Don't let...me hurt you...

Kaori and Kousei burst into his room, scattering papers and bits of rope everywhere. They took in the sight of their grandson, fist bleeding, hair disheveled, and eyes wild. 

"Kaito..." Kousei started.

"G-get out!" 

"No! We won't let you go through this alone!" Kaori shouted at him, making something tick in his head.

Red

(Please don't) 

Flashing red behind his eyelids

(Control yourself)

His hand curled into a fist once more, knuckles still bleeding from hitting the wall so hard

(Stop!)

Running

Punching 

Someone shattering to the floor from being hit so hard. Someone falling unconscious the moment they hit the ground.

Bruises

Screaming

Someone screaming at him

Confusion 

Shame 

He curled up into a ball

Panting

Panic

The last thing he saw was Kousei exiting the room, carrying his wife bridal style.

Hatred

Fear

His nails were scratching his skin, blood pouring out of the barely healed cuts

Unconscious. 

He fell into a sleep were all he saw was himself punching his grandmother 

Over and over and over again

He woke up at 4 in the morning. He didn't have to leave until 5, because it was a five hour drive over there and the entrance ceremony started at 10. Way too early, in Kaito's opinion. His hands searched blindly for a distraction (you practically live of off distractions.) They landed on the mental facility pamphlet. It's bright colors hurt his eyes, even in the dark. "Hopes Peak Academy...what a joke. This place probably has the least amount of hope there is." He murmured to himself, rolling his eyes. There was rustling downstairs, someone softly walking back and forth, seemingly trying to not wake anyone else up. He decided, after a few long minutes of debate in head, to go and check it out. Kaito crept down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. He got to the kitchen, which was where the source of the noise was.

"...Grandma?" He croaked out. Kaori jumped in response, before responding.

"Hello, Kaito. You're up early." She didn't sound angry whatsoever. She just sounded...sad, and tired. He hated it, making her feel like that. He would rather her be angry. The blossoming bruise on her cheek made his chest hurt, knowing he was the one who caused that. 

He should be happy that they're sending him away. Then he wouldn't hurt them, ever again. 

His chest hurt more. 

"I-I'm sorry." Guilt stewed in his stomach, as tears filled his eyes. He fell to his knees.

"Kaito-"

"Im so sorry! I'm sorry that I hit you! I'm sorry that you're stuck with someone like me!" He shouted, clawing at his throat. He sobbed, "Im so so sorry!" His grandma closed her eyes as a few stray tears slipped down her face.

"I'm sorry too." She knelt down beside Kaito, and wrapped her arms around him. She smelt of cinnamon and a tiny bit of salt. He clung to her and sobbed harder.   
She rubbed soothing circles into his back, hands rough from the hours and hours of baking that her job required. A few minutes later, Kaito stopped sobbing. Kaori let go of him, wiping the final tears, and spoke up. "You should go take a shower. We do only have 30 minutes until we leave, after all." He nodded and began to walk back upstairs. He looked back, and saw his grandma put an ice pack on her cheek. Sighing, he continued to walk to the bathroom. The door creaked as he opened it, definitely alerting everyone of his presence. When he looked in the mirror, a red-faced, cowardly looking child stared back at him. He punched the mirror, reopening the wounds that had barely healed on his knuckles. He hissed in pain, narrowing his eyes at the mirror, as if it was the one who hurt him.

(You did this to yourself.)

He turned the water on, ignoring the temperature, and hopped in with his clothes on. It was freezing, but he didn't care. After he washed himself, he got out, and grabbed pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. The shirt had a pattern of red on it. He remembered thinking it looked cool when he bought it. He put on some galaxy slippers and his jacket, and then walked back downstairs. His grandparents were standing by the door, waiting for him. Rain tapped on the roof and windows, making all three of them even more hesitant to leave. Once they got to the car, Kaori tossed him a protein bar. Kaito grabbed his phone and put his headphones in his ears. At least he was allowed to bring his phone in the car. 

(His music consisted of various piano compositions and anime themes, but he'd never admit that to anyone.) 

He rested his head against the window, feeling it's cool glass on his cheek. The astronaut closed his eyes, and fell into a light sleep.  
\-----------------------------------  
Save  
Save him. He was trying his best. It's not his fault. And now he's going to die. Save him. Please. That's such a cruel way to die. Look at all the blood. The pink blood. It's not his fault. Save him. Save him.  
...  
...  
...  
S a v e h i m   
\-----------------------------------  
His dream contained flashing lights and colors. There was blood. There was so much blood. His eyes snapped open, breath hitching. What the hell was that just now? The only thing that he remembered was a voice in his head (the same head that constantly blamed him) screaming at him to "save him." Who the hell was 'him'? And why was he trying to 'save' him? 

"Kaito! Look! There's Hopes Peak Academy!" His Grandma caught his attention, making him look out the window, and making him push his weird dream into the back of his head. Hopes peak academy was large, larger than Kaito had originally envisioned, and looked pristine. Its walls were brown, and there were glass windows dyed blue. There was a garden surrounding the building, stretching all the way to the metal gate that encased it. It looked almost pleasant, but Kaito knew that looks were nothing to go by (if Sayaka was any example). There were a few people sitting outside. One had blonde hair trailing down her back. She was sitting on a bench, chatting to a man with bright green hair. There was a boy sitting on the ground, a good 7 feet from the other two. He was observing everything, twirling his thumbs. The boy had really dark purple hair and purple eyes. Wide, violet eyes that were glazed over and darting around constantly. 

He looked...terrified. 

They drove to where the hopes peak academy parking lot was, then parked. The trio hopped out of the car, then Kaori walked over to the group of students. 

"A-ah! Wait! Grandma! What are you doing?" Kaito sprinted up to her.

"The pamphlet never said how to get you registered in. We also need to find where the dorms are. These kids should know where to go." Before Kaito responded, Kaori grabbed Kousei and walked over to the blonde one and green haired one. He sighed, then walked over to the purple haired one. Getting closer, he realized the boy was tiny. He could probably snap him in half if he tried. 

"Hey." He greeted, kneeling down to where the other was sitting. The boy visibly flinched away, getting another six inches away from him. Kaito was a bit confused, he wasn't that intimidating, right?

"Hi!~" He spoke, his face changing into a big grin. Kaito swears there were stars into the boys eyes (he looked a bit cute.) Though, he noticed, the other wasn't making any eye contact. 

"Uh...do you...have a name?.." Kaito cursed at himself for not knowing how to continue the conversation. 

"Nope!" The boy responded, popping the 'p'. "I'm reeeaaalllyyy just a demon who was killed here many centuries ago, and now I don't remember my name!~" Kaito's expression morphed into one of anger.

What was this guy on?! 

His hand curled into a fist as red flashed behind his eyes. The boy noticed, and quickly continued. "B-but that's a lie! M-My name is Kokichi Ouma!" Kokichi's demeanor changed for a split second. For that moment, he looked terrified-completely and utterly terrified-, but he quickly covered it up. "Wh-what's yours?" 

"Kaito Momota! The luminary of the stars!" Kaito pushed his fists together and gave Kokichi a dazzling smile, quickly overcoming that...attack.

"...Kaito Momota...that's a stupid name!~" 

"H-hey! My name isn't stupid!" Kaito yelled, curling his hand into a first once more (so much for overcoming it). Who does this kid think he is?! Kokichi inched further away, eyebrows rising up. Kaito pulled his arm back, reading himself for the strike. 

(What are you doing?!) 

The purple haired boys eyes glazed over.

(Think about this.) 

Kaito noticed how scared the other looked, shaking and near tears. All of a sudden, he realized where he was. He was at Hopes Peak Academy, a place where mentally ill kids stayed to try and get better. Kokichi was here for a reason. Immediately he snapped out of it, uncurling his fist and beginning to apologize profusely. But, before he could even do that, Kokichi had sprinted away.

"H-huh?.."

"It's ok, he does that all the time. Kirigiri-San will take care of him." The blonde one spoke, walking up behind him. The green haired one was following behind her. His grandparents were behind both of them. 

"A-ah...okay..."

"My name is Kaede Akamatsu, by the way. I've been here for around a month. And this is my friend, Rantaro Amami!" She gestured to the green haired one, who's eyes were foggy and distant.

"Oh yeah...um...welcome. I haven't met you before, right?" Rantaro asked, pupils staring at Kaito but not really there. 

"N-no? Not that I know of?" Kaito responded, confusion evident on his face.

"My apologies. I have amnesia...I think. They said it was amnesia, but I doubt it." For a split second, Rantaros eyes became clear, focused. But then, they returned to their foggy state.

"Who's they?"

"I...don't know..." 

"Anyway! Your grandparents said that they wanted us to show you around!" Kaede changed the subject quickly, magenta eyes peering into his soul. "Is that alright with you?"

"Oh yeah, it's cool. Thanks." Kaito responded.

"So, if you all will follow me, I'll show you where to go." She lead the other four into the building. Inside, there were multiple tables, where a bunch of kids where sitting. The walls inside were a pale blue, almost white. They walked down the hallway, and (after 10 straight minutes of walking), ended up in front of a red door. Kaede knocked on said door, which opened up almost immediately. Ahead of them, there was a man sitting at a desk. 

"Ah, welcome. You must be Kaito Momota, correct? I am Jin Kirigiri, the director of Hopes Peak Academy." The man spoke, a soft smile appearing on his face. Kaito nodded in response, not being able to summon any words. Jin tapped on his computer for a few seconds, then looked back at the group. "Alright. I have gotten you registered. Akamatsu-San, Amami-kun, will you please show Momota-kun around?" 

"Alright!...Momota-kun, do you need some time to say goodbye?" Kaede spoke, eyebrows knitting together.

"Y-yeah, please." The blonde nodded, before grabbing Rantaro's hand and leading him out of the room.

"Take as much time as you need!" She then closed the door, leaving Kaito, Kaori, Kousei, and Jin alone in the office.

"S-so, this is it, huh?" Kaito cursed internally at how utterly weak he sounded. Kaori hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder. Kousei went over and hugged him from the other side. They stayed like that for a long time, all silently crying and shaking. Eventually, they let go.

"I-I want you to have a good time here, a-alright?" Kaito nodded in response, not trusting himself to speak without bursting into tears. His grandmother kissed him one last time, while his grandfather patted him on the back. Then, they both left. 

You're never going to see them again.

(You'll be dead before you have the chance.) 

He sighed, then walked out the door. In the hallway, Kaede was on her hands and knees. 

"1 2 3 4 5..." 

"Uh...am I interrupting something?" Kaito asked, confusion evident on his face.

"No...I don't think...so..." Rantaro responded, moving from his laying down position. "We're supposed to show you around...right..?" His voice was soft, wispy almost. Like if it got any softer, it would disappear completely.

"...21 22 23 24 25! Yes! It's perfectly symmetrical!" Kaede leapt up, pumping a fist into the air. "Also, are you ready to go take a look around?"

"Yeah, let's go!" He forced a smile on his face.

(It's ok.)

(I'm ok.)

"I...think I'm going to...look for Tojo-San. If I get lost...I'll message you..." Rantaro spoke, already walking away. 

"Message you? But I thought phones weren't allowed here?" Kaito asked, tightening his hold on his backpack. Kaede grabbed his arm and began to drag him down the hallway as she spoke. 

"We have a thing called an E-Handbook. It has, like, a map feature...it can show you the students that go here, and it has a feature where you can text the people that come here...what else...yeah I think that's it." 

"Oh, cool. Hey uh...where are we going?"

"To the dorms!" They continued walking, while passing a few people. Including that boy-Kokichi-that Kaito had spoken to. It seemed he was being dragged somewhere against his will, looking at his annoyed face. A blue haired girl was gripping Kokichis forearm, and she looked like she was about to slap a bitch. She was wearing a lanyard, saying that she was a worker at HPA. Kaede ignored them and kept walking. Eventually, they ended up at the dorm rooms. There was one with Kaito's name on it.

"That one must be mine, huh?" 

"Yup! So it seems your room is connected to Ouma-Kun's. Is that ok?" 

"Y-yeah, its fine." (Jeez, why do they keep encountering each other?) Kaede smiled brightly, then opened the door. His room contained a bed in the right corner, a shelve, a desk, a closet, and a monitor on the opposite wall. There was an E-Handbook and a bracelet looking thing sitting neatly on his bed. 

"What's that...bracelet?" Kaito inquired, looking at Kaede quizzically. 

"Oh that! That's a tracker thing. It monitors your heart rate and shows the handlers where you are incase they need you. Pretty cool, right?" Kaito nodded in response, putting on the tracker. It latched onto his wrist immediately, pinching his skin slightly. 

"Ah fuck. Does this thing come off?" Kaede sighed, while shaking her head. Then, there was a buzz from her pocket. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Amami-kun got lost again...will you be alright by yourself?" 

"Yeah, of course!" Kaito smiled, giving the blonde haired girl a thumbs up. She nodded, then sprinted away to help her friend. Once she left, Kaito let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Then, he took a look around the room once more. It was tiny, and he was glad there were no roommates. He realized there was a door on the right wall of the room. He opened it, and there was a bathroom. It had a sink with a mirror on one side, and a toilet and shower on the other. On the wall he was facing, there was a door. 

'Your room is connected with Oumas.'

After taking a final looking around, he turned around and closed the bathroom door. He leaped on the bed and began to fiddle with his E-handbook.

Welcome, Kaito Momota! Please set a username and password!

He thought about his username for a while, then typed it in.

Username: SpaceGuy69

"Oh shit, I need a password too?" He thought about it for a few minutes, then decided what it would be.

Password: R0S3f0r3v3r

He stared at the handbooks settings. There was a report card that showed you who was in your year, a group of chat rooms, and a map. He clicked on the yearbook. There was a list of students that were his age (how did they know his age?). 

~Kaede Akamatsu  
Rantaro Amami  
Ryoma Hoshi  
Kirumi Tojo  
Tenko Chabashira   
Angie Yonaga  
Korekiyo Shinguji   
Miu Iruma  
Gonta Gokuhara   
Kokichi Ouma  
Kiibo Idabashi   
Tsumugi Shirogane  
Himiko Yumeno   
Maki Harukawa  
Shuichi Saihara~ 

"That's...a lot of people..." Kaito rubbed his head, then clicked on the chat room feature. 

~chat rooms:   
15-16 year old student chat room  
Most recent message:  
GottaSweepSweepSweep: THERE WILL BE NO SEX IN THE KITCHEN! PEOPLE EAT IN THERE!  
Sent at 3:57 am~

"What the fuck. What is wrong with these people?" Kaito was tempted to look at the chat rooms made by the students, but he quickly changed his mind. He then clicked on the last feature, the map feature. There, he saw the entire layout of Hopes Peak Academy. There were four stories, three of the four holding dorms and the other one holding a bunch of rec rooms and labs. The school was seemingly composed of hallways, lining a large courtyard that was inside the school but not. He glanced at the clock. 

9:58

"SHIT!" He had completely forgotten about the entrance ceremony. Leaping up, he began to sprint into the gym.

"You forgot too?!" A short boy with brown hair was coming up behind him. 

"Yeah! You're new here too, right?" Kaito slowed to a jog, allowing the boy to catch up to him. The brunette nodded in response.

"Yeah, my name is Makoto Naegi. What's yours?"

"Kaito Momota, the luminary of the stars!" They both picked up the pace, seeing that it was 9:59.

"Wait, where's the gym?!"

"FUCK!"

Eventually, they made it to the gym. Right after they sprinted inside, the bell went off.

BIIIIIIIINNNNNGGG

10 am

There were around 13 other students in the gym. There were only a few who looked his age, the rest looked slightly older. 

"So, they're not separated into age?" Kaito asked Makoto.

"I...think the majority of classes and groups are. But, I think the ceremony is just for the first years." 

"Ohhh...that makes sense." They both went and found their seats. Kaito was in the first row, sitting next to a blue haired boy with a hat.

Makoto was in the row behind him, sandwiched between a blonde haired boy and a lilac haired girl. Kaito noticed that there were only five people in each row, including him. In his row, there was Kokichi, a blonde haired girl, a greenish-brown haired giant looking boy, Kaito, and the blue haired boy. In Makotos row, there was a honey haired girl, a brown haired girl, the blonde haired boy, Makoto, and the Lilac haired girl. Then, in the final row, there was a red haired girl, a shy looking purple haired girl, a pale pink haired girl, a hot pink haired boy with shark teeth, and a dark brown haired boy. All fifteen of them, all there for a different reason, yet the same. 

(They all look relatively normal?) 

Someone walked onto the stage they were all facing. He had short hair, one half black and the other half white, and one of his eyes were red. He wore a black suit with a white undershirt and a red tie. 

"Welcome all first years! I am Monokuma, the assistant principal and the English teacher here at Hopes Peak Academy!" His voice was high and squeaky, almost annoying, as he spoke. "Now, I'm sure you all have a looooot of questions, but let me first finish what I'm supposed to say! School starts at 8:00, but our alarm goes off at 7. Just in case you all need that long to put on 5 pounds of makeup, puhuhuhuhu!" Monokuma laughed, making the hairs on Kaito's neck rise up. That laugh sounded so familiar, and it activated his fight or flight response. His hand clenched into a fist, and he's sure if Monokuma didn't keep talking he would've punched him in his pale face. 

"School ends at 2:00, and you have five periods in your day. For a more in depth schedule, please look at your E-Hanbooks! What else...oh yeah! Curfew is at 10:00 sharp! If you're caught outside of your dorm after that, you will be executed! Puhuhuhu, just a little throwback joke for you readers."

Monokuma looked at you while he spoke that last sentence, shattering the fourth wall.

"And, if you were paying attention, you would know that each period is around one hour and ten minutes! Breakfast is from 7:00 to 7:50, lunch is from 12:00 to 12:30, and dinner is from 5:00 to 7:00. You'll have therapy from 2:30 to 3:30 or 4, depending on the severity of your illness. Anytime after that is your free time!" The students began to talk amongst themselves, assuming that Monokuma was finished.

"One more thing, then you can talk about frogs, dogs, turtles, windows, or whatever you teens talk about! You're separated by age, not year. So there will be some people that have been here for five years, people that are new like you, and people that have been here almost their whole lives in your class! Isn't that fun?" 

'Some people have been here their whole lives?' Kaito thought to himself, feeling alarmed. 

"Your clothes are in your dorms. Ceremony dismissed, goodbye! Puhuhuhu!" With that final wave, Monokuma skipped offstage, leaving the students alone. 

"So...what now?" The pink haired boy spoke up, voice cracking.

"Uhh...free time, I guess?" The dark brown haired boy replied, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Wait! We should introduce ourselves before we leave! I'm Aoi Asahina, but everyone calls me Hina!" The brown haired girl yelled, her cheerful voice ringing through the gym. 

"K-Kokichi Ouma." 

"The gorgeous girl genius, Miu Iruma!"

"Gonta is called Gonta Gokuhara." 

"I'm Kaito Momota, the luminary of the stars!" 

"...S-Shuichi Saihara..."

"M-my name is Chihiro F-Fujisaki." 

"Hmph, I suppose. My name is Byakuya Togami."

"My name is Makoto Naegi!"

"Kyouko Kirigiri."

"I'm Mahiru Koizumi."

"I-I-I...M-My name I-Is M-Mikan Tsu-Tsumiki."

"Chiaki Nanami...its...nice to meet you all..."

"Kazuichi Souda!"

"And my name is Hajime Hinata." 

After introducing themselves, the girl named Miu spoke up once more. 

"Well, it was fun talking to all ya virgins, but I gotta blast. I heard there's a motherfucking robot here, and bold of y'all to assume that I'll miss out on meeting the fucker." She stomped out of the room after speaking, short skirt trailing behind her. Slowly, everyone began to trickle out, leaving Kokichi and Kaito alone. 

"So, uh, you heading back to your dorm?" Kaito spoke, brushing his hand through his hair. Kokichi nodded in response, not speaking. He then went to the door to leave, and turned his head to look at the tall man.

"Are you coming? Or are you just gonna stay in there looking like an idiot?" Well, seems like Kokichis feeling better.

"H-hey! Don't call me an idiot!"

"Tomato, tomahto. Besides, I didn't even call you an idiot! I just said you were looking like one!"

"Same thing!" 

"Whatever Momota-chan, now a-"

"Momota-chan?!"

"Are you coming or not?" 

"Fine, only cuz I know no one else."

"Well then cmon! I'm not gonna wait all day!~" Kokichi held out his hand, gesturing for Kaito to take it, a smile gracing his face. Kaito took his hand, and was dragged out into the hallway. They walked, hand in hand, through the hallways for a solid 15 minutes. Kokichi was chatting away, riling Kaito up but being able to extinguish his attacks almost immediately. Conversations like, "you're an idiot, Momota-chan!" "The Fuck did you just say?!" "Buuuuuuuuut, you're kinda fun to mess with!" Filled their walk. It...wasn't boring, that was for sure. 

"Hey, uh, Ouma?"

"Yeeees?~"

"Where are we going?" 

"Nishishi, we're going to the incinerator! I'm sooooo sick of having to spend time with stinky Momota-chan!" 

"H-hey! The fuck?!"

"Juuust kidding! I'm not sick of you!~" Kaito groaned, rolling his eyes. 

"You never answered my question." Kokichi hesitated.

"Wait where are we going?" He asked, seeming to genuinely not know.

"You've been dragging us around for god knows how long and you don't even know where we're going?!" Kaito yelled at the boy, who flinched away. He didn't know why that made him so irrationally angry, but it did. 

"I-I-I thought w-we were supposed t-to go th-this way, b-but I was wr-wrong!" He took notice of Kaito's hand curling into a fist. "I-I-I'm sorry, p-please d-don't hurt m-me!" Kokichi covered his face with his hands, walking a few steps away. 

Flashing red enveloped his vision, making his thoughts scatter.

(This is all your fault.)

He growled, wanting the thoughts in his head to just SHUT UP.

(You're the reason everyone is afraid of you.) 

"Shut up..."

"M-Momota-chan?" 

(It's all your fault

Your fault your fault your fault)

"SHUT UP!" 

His fist flew without him being able to control it. It hit Kokichis face, making him fall to the tiled floor. The red flickered, then disappeared. Kaito realized he had punched the boy he was hanging out with, not the thoughts that kept on echoing in his head. 

"Shit..." He didn't know what to do, so he just stared at the purple haired boy. Kokichi was trembling, eyes foggy and dark. Looking into his eyes, Kaito saw that they were a beautiful lilac color, holding years of pain and memories that didn't seem to be there before.

(Save him?) 

There were a few tears dripping down his face, while he was mumbling 'I'm sorry' over and over. All Kaito could do was walk away slowly, looking for someone to help. Eventually, his guardian angel came, in the form of a blue haired girl, the same one that was dragging Kokichi around before. She didn't say a word, only scooped up the cowering boy and walked in the opposite direction of the dorms. 

"I'd advise you go to your dorm. Blow of some steam, maybe?" She spoke up, her back still turned towards Kaito. You could almost hear the smirk in her voice. "Also don't worry about him, he'll be fine. You'll be fine too, today's basically like a get out of jail free day." 

"A-ah...alright. Tell him I'm sorry, when he wakes up."

"Will do. Have a nice day." She walked away, leaving Kaito alone in the hallway. He began to jog to the dorms, the guilt consuming him. Finally, he arrived at his room. While he was unlocking the door, his hands trembled. He looked at the clock, it read 11:30. The bed bent under his weight as he flopped on it. His mind wandered for god knows how long. He woke up around an hour later, not even realizing he fell asleep. There was knocking on his door, and he shouted out, "It's open!" 

Kaede walked into the room, closing the door behind her. 

"You missed lunch, so I decided to bring you something!" Kaito sat up, and took the bowl the girl handed to him. It seemed to be a type of ramen with onions and chicken. 

"Thanks, Akamatsu." 

"It's no problem! So, Momota-kun, what're you planning to do after college?" She asked, trying to start up a conversation. 

"Oh, well I'm gonna become an Astronaut and go to space, of course! What about you?" 

"Ooooh, ambitious! I'm going to become a pianist and play all around the world! Playing is kinda, like, my passion." 

"That's awesome! Yknow I had a friend who wanted to be a musician..." His voice faltered slightly, the wounds from that god damn game still not healed.

"Oh really? That's cool! What instrument did they play?" 

"Um, guitar I think. He played a lot of instruments though." Kaede gasped, eyes sparkling.

"Oh my god, we should totally play together! I'd love to meet him!" Kaito stared at the bowl, eyes glazed over.

"I...wish we could. But...he's dead..." he closed his eyes and sighed. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry...if you don't mind me asking, how did he die?" 

"A fucked up game of Russian roulette." He laughed dryly, attempting to smile. 

"I'm sorry..." He looked down at his lap, a few stray tears leaking from his closed eyes. It was just yesterday, it still hurts. 

It hurts

Everything hurts

It's so hard to pretend 

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. It must've been hard for you..."

"But it's ok! Nothing good comes from dwelling on the past!" Kaito leapt up, unable to handle someone feeling pity for him. The bowl tumbled to the ground, landing on the floor with a loud splat. "Shit!"

"Oh! Um...don't worry, I'll go get some paper towels!" Kaede sprinted out of the room before Kaito could stop her. He sighed, and picked up the porcelain bowl. It was slightly cracked, broken lines spreading around the object like a spider web. The aspiring pianist soon sprinted back into the dorm, holding a pile of paper towels. After a few minutes of cleaning, the only thing that was left of the ruined ramen was a small stain. 

"They have rugs in the warehouse. You could use one of them to cover up the mess. I think I saw some galaxy print ones in there, actually!" 

"Awesome!" Kaito got up, and began to walk out the room. "You don't have to come, yknow. I got it." 

"Oh, ok! Are you sure you'll be ok?" 

"Yeah, I'll be fine!" Without waiting for Kaedes response, he sprinted down the hallway. He pulled out his E-Handbook, and began to look for the warehouse. 'First floor...on the right? Ok." The elevator rattled as he walked into it, making him slightly nervous. It's subtle whirring was all Kaito could hear as he traveled to the first floor. 

Ding

He stepped out of the elevator...

And ran into another student. 

"Uwah!" She fell to the ground out of the shock. 

"Ah! Are you alright?" Kaito asked, holding out a hand. While waiting for the other student to take it, he took in who he was looking at. It was a girl, who had long, strawberry blonde pigtails that curled on the floor. She was wearing a very short skirt and a low cut shirt that showed off her...assets. His face flushed red, and he couldn't help the heat that coiled in his stomach. 

"Oh? You like what you see? Or do you have a bone in your pocket?" 

"H-huh?!" He yelled, stepping backwards. The metal of the elevator doors felt cool against his back. "No, that's not it at all!" The girl rolled her eyes, a look of annoyance crossing her face. 

"Are you serious? What kind of man isn't excited by big women? That makes me feel such despair..." She leapt up, and put her hands on Kaito's shoulders, long nails digging into his back. Her face was so close, he could feel her breath. Being this close, the astronaut could now see some more details on her face. Her eyes were an electric blue, digging into his soul. There were a few scattered freckles on her face, seemingly covered with foundation. Her lips were a deep pink, beautiful, and plump. 

"W-what?" Kaito managed to stammer out, face rivaling a tomato in color.

"Doesn't it make you feel despair?" She moved closer, putting her leg around his waist. 

"I-I don't-"

"What? Are you gay or something?" Her voice was low as she whispered into his ear.

"N-no, that's not it!" 

"Then why are you causing this despair?"

The elevator doors opened, making the pair fall backwards.

"What are you two doing?" A woman spoke.

"Puhuhuhu...My name is Junko Enoshima, by the way." The girl-Junko-whispered to him and walked off. 

"U-uhhhhh..."

"You don't need to explain." The woman picked up Kaito with one arm and carried him back out of the elevator. 

She just...carried him...

He, a 163 pound man.

She just lifted him up.

"My name is Sakura Oogami, it is nice to meet you." 

"Why are you carrying me?!" 

"I'm taking you to the warehouse." It was then Kaito realized that people seemed to be avoiding them. It made sense, seeing as he was being carried by a woman who's muscles were larger than his torso. 

"So, uh, you're a helper here?"

"Yes."

"O-ok. You...you like working out?" 

"Yes. I'm training to become a martial artist as a hobby. You might be a nice sparing partner..." Kaito nodded in response. Finally, they arrived at the warehouse. Sakura gently put him down, then began walking away. Now Kaito could see the girl much more clearly. She had long, white hair, and tan skin that had many scars. She was wearing a uniform, an outfit that the people who worked here had to wear, and a lanyard. 

"I will be going now. Goodbye." She exited the warehouse. 

"What...the hell...was that?" Kaito mumbled to himself, eyebrows creasing in confusion. He shakily got up, and began to look around the warehouse. It seemed to be stocked with everything you could ever need. It was separated into three sections. On the far right, the shelves were filled to the brim with all the food you could want. In the middle, there were decorations, toiletries, and general stuff you would need that wasn't food. On the far left, there was video games and items like that. Kaito walked to the middle isle, and (after ten straight minutes of searching) round where the rugs were. 

"Akamatsu was right, they do have galaxy rugs." He grabbed one and strolled back to the dorms. The walk back was pretty uneventful, he encountered Junko, but ended up sprinting away before she could try anything. 

"You're back! You were taking a while, I was worried something happened." Kaede was sitting on his bed, playing with her Ehandbook. 

"Oh, nothing happened, don't worry." Kaito responded, rubbing the back of his neck. He placed the rug on the floor, it's galaxy colors adding something to the barren room. 

"Then what took you so long?"

"I...uh...met someone? Her name was Junko Enoshima. She was pretty...strange." Kaede gasped, putting her hands to her mouth. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Did she do anything to you?" She put her hand to his chest in a comforting manner.

"Almost, but nah. I'm fine, don't worry." 

"O-ok..." Kaede was staring skeptically at him, still not believing that he was truly fine. "Well then, I'm gonna head back to my dorm, I'll see you later!"

The light flickered exactly five times once she left. 

A few minutes passed, while he was just...thinking. Kaito flopped on his bed, trying to think of something to do. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. 

10 things to do before the school year ends, it read.

1 go to carnival 

2 Binge all StarWars movies in one sitting

3 Make plant jars

4 Paint something

5 Learn complicated song on piano

5 Race throughout school (and win!)

7 Cook something

8 Go to karaoke party

9 See firework show 

10 Go to space 

He sighed. Some of these things would be simply impossible to do here. Suddenly, he was filled with a burst of determination. Kaito Momota was not one to let minor setbacks overtake his goals! 

He will finish his list in a year!

There was a calendar on the wall, he realized. A quick glance at it showed that it was April 26, two weeks after his birthday. All he had to do was finish the list by next April  
Piece of cake

(He hopes that they have spaceships in here) 

More time passed

He looked at his clock. It was around six o'clock. He never ate lunch, he remembered. With that in mind, he got up to get some dinner. As he walked, he spotted Kokichi also leave his room. Kaito looked his way, and waved. Kokichi smiled, and waved back. 

'Good. Seems like he's recovered from my...attack.' 

The walk to the cafeteria was uneventful. Once a Kaito entered the room, however, that changed. There were at least forty students in there, all chatting away with seemingly not a care in the world.   
"Uh..." Kokichi spoke, radiating nervousness. He rushed toward the place where you get food, got his food, and near sprinted out of the room.

"Uh, ok. Bye, then..." Kaito mumbled to himself, feeling slightly offended. After a few minutes, he shrugged it off and walked over to get food. The bento box he got had a sandwich, a vegetable mix, and a small rice crispy treat. He sat down at a nearly empty table, who had one other person at it. 

"Hey, can I sit here?" 

"O-oh, sure." The boy responded, moving his hat to cover his eyes. He sounded very tired and nervous.

"Awesome! I'm Kaito Momota, and you?"

"Shuichi Saihara. I-it's nice to meet you." Shuichis voice gave off a tone that he didn't want to keep speaking anymore.

'It's ok,' Kaito thought, 'some people are just shy.'

They continued to eat in a comfortable silence. Well, more accurately, Kaito ate while Shuichi just stared at his food. "What, you don't like the food here? I don't think it's that bad, to be honest." 

"U-um, no. It's not that, I-I just..." he trailed off, staring at the floor awkwardly. 

(Great, fucking great. You made it awkward.) 

Kaito hurriedly finished his dinner, returned the dish, and speed walked back to his dorm. 

"That went well..." he muttered, feeling hot anger begin to take control of himself once more. The rage started in his chest, and coiled itself through his arm, making his need for an outlet that much more apparent. A pillow was a nice source, he supposed. 

Fifteen minutes later, he was left with a hurting fist and a ruined pillow. 

He realized that he felt completely and utterly exhausted. He walked into the bathroom, and knocked on Kokichis door.

"Hey Ouma?"

"What?" 

"I'm gonna take a shower. So don't be fucking weird and come in, ok?"

"Nishishi. As if I'd willingly look at your tiny dick."

"H-hey! My dick isn't!-"

"This is an argument you're going to loose."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck me yourself, you coward!" He rubbed his head, sighed, then moved to turn on the shower. After he finished his shower, he moved to wrap a towel around his waist, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

(Ignore it ignore it ignore it)

There was no way he could ignore the ever present lashes on his back, from years and years of...

(Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about them.)

He'd never admit to himself how weak the scars made him feel. Without looking at his reflection, he finished his nightly routine. He flopped on his bed right as the nighttime announcement blared.

"This is a school announcement. It is now 10 p.m. As such, it is officially nighttime. Soon the doors to the dining hall will be locked, and entry at that point is strictly prohibited. Ok then...sweet dreams, everyone! Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite..."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
4:20 am  
SupremePanta: lol 420 blaze it  
BAEthoven: GO TO BED  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He woke up right as the morning announcement played. He groaned loudly, not being used to waking up at the early hour of seven. Begrudgingly, he got out of bed. 

"I'm taking a shower! I know, I know, you would loooove to see me naked, but I'd have to send my 10,000 members of my organization to kill you!~" Kokichi yelled from the bathroom, making Kaito get a headache.

"You could just say to not come in there like a normal person!" 

"I'm not normal!" 

(True, no one here was.)

Kaito didn't really know how he was able to argue with Kokichi so casually. It was nice, being able to toss insults like it was nothing. They've only known each other for less than two days, and yet it felt like they've been friends for the longest time. 

Are they friends?

Kaito doesn't know. He'd like to imagine they are, but it doesn't seem to be that way. Kokichi was...annoying, and didn't like to really hang out with people. That much he could tell from the short time they've known each other. He trusted no one, and kept to himself. Kaito was the opposite. He was loud, rambunctious, and loved talking to people. Of course they wouldn't get along very well. 

But still...

The astronaut fell back asleep to the sound of the shower.  
\-----------------------------------  
"So, if we're gonna be friends, you should tell me your name!"

"I-I'm not...I-I can't..."

"You can't tell me your name?"

The boy shook his head

"Well then, I'll think of a name for you! How about...Sirius! Cuz you're really bright, like a star!" 

The boy smiled, feeling happy that he had a nickname.

Sirius B, the brightest star in the night sky  
\-----------------------------------  
He woke up a short time later. The shower was off, so he guesses it's his turn now. He knocked on the bathroom door a bit, noticed that it was empty, then walked in and took a shower.   
Soon, his first day of school would start.

Soon, he would see what he would truly have to deal with for at least a year.

He ignored his thoughts and washed his hair. 

A few minutes passed, and he got out of the shower. He continued his morning routine, a sense of normalcy in this foreign place. By the time he finished, it was already 7:45, and Kokichi was already gone. He walked to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast, and was immediately flagged down by a group of people. There was Kaede, Rantaro, Kokichi, Shuichi, and Miu sitting there.

"Hello Momota-Kun! How's it going?"

"It's...going."

"Oh that's a whole ass mood." 

"Jeeez, you like ass sooo much. Don't you Iruma-chan?"

"Don't...be mean, Ouma-kun."

"H-hello...Momota-kun..." 

Everyone spoke to him kindly. He smiled tiredly at them, still not fully awake. 

"You're still tired, huh? Yeah, me too." 

"Wait really? Still? Even after I was so nice and didn't bother you during your shower?" Kokichi spoke, fake tears welling up in his eyes. This made Rantaro laugh, for some reason, and he gave Kokichi a knowing smile.

"Already, huh?" 

"W-what's that supposed to mean?!" Rantaro laughed again, and continued to eat his breakfast. The six continued to chat, about life, about death, about why Nagito was eating his food in a trash can. 

Eventually, the bell rang, and the kids who weren't first years sprinted to class. 

"W-wait!" Kokichi yelled to Kaede and Rantaro, who had already left.

"What the hell?!" Kaito shouted, before grabbing Kokichis wrist (did he wince when he did that?), and following the crowd. 

"Fight fight fight fight fight!" Some of the students were chanting.

"What?..." Kaito's mouth was agape, while Kokichi looked on in confusion. Mikan, a girl who had been there for a long time, was banging someone's head against the wall. The person was unrecognizable, with blood pouring down their face. 

"Is that...?"

Hiyoko fucking Saionji."

"That bitch deserves it."

"How could you say that?!"

The students were chattering amongst themselves, but it could hardly be heard above the sound of Mikan screaming "why do you hate me?! Why does everyone hate me?!" Over and over.

This...is this what they're capable of?

Kaito glanced at Hiyoko, and tried his best not to throw up. God, there was so much blood. And the way everyone ran...is this a daily occurrence? Blood poured down her head, obscuring her eyes. She was yelling, crying, telling Mikan to stop. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by someone squeezing his hand. He looked over, and saw Kokichi looking at him.

"You can stay, and be an idiot like the rest of them. But I'm leaving. Come with me if you want." Kaito took a moment to look at how pale Kokichi looked, his body language radiating fear. 

Why is he trying to act so calm?

(Is it to keep you calm?) 

"Y-yeah, ok." He followed the other out of the hall, and they ended up in a slightly smaller hallway.

"This place is like a fucking labyrinth, I swear to god." Kokichi laughed slightly, nodding his head in agreement. Eventually, they found the classroom. A teacher was sitting there, looking exhausted. 

"Are you from the 79th class?" She yawned.

"Yeah we are!" Kaito spoke up. "Where's everyone else?"

"They usually come at 8:30...sometimes even 9."

"Oh wow, that's lame. They're so boring, they get distracted by the stupidest things."

"Is there another fight going on?" The teacher asked, and once both Kokichi and Kaito nodded, sprinted out of the room.

"Does this shit happen often?"

"Apparently." 

"We've only been here for a couple days, what the hell."

"Yeah, but they haven't. They've been here for months, maybe even years. It's only us who've been here for a few days." 

"I guess...I can't believe this is what they're capable of..."

"They're."

"Uh, yeah?" 

"You're one of us too, yknow. You're here for a reason, aren't you?" Kaito stared blankly at Kokichi, who smirked at him.  
All this time, he'd been thinking about the other kids in his class like they were someone else. Almost like a different species. 

"I..."

"What're you in for, Momota-chan?" 

"I-in for?!" 

"What's wrong with," Kokichi flicked the others forehead, "up there?" 

"Okay first of all, ow-"

"I didn't even flick you that hard."

"Yeah that's a fucking lie."

"Fine then try and flick me!" Kaito obliged.

He really should have thought this through.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT HURT, MOMOTA-CHAN!" 

"Wh-asshole!" 

Then, the crocodile tears dried up nearly immediately.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"...anger issues."

"Oh really, I haven't noticed!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up. What about you? What's wrong with you?"

"I'm realllllyyyyy a serial killer, who only kills super hot guys! I need to be put on surveillance 24/7!" 

"Genocider Syo already goes here, try again."

"You know your shit! Maybe you're not thaaat much of an idiot."

"She's literally chased you through the halls before!"

"Oh, you saw that? What gives Momota-chan, are you stalking me?!" Even though Kokichi was obviously joking, he seemed to shift away from Kaito. It was hardly noticeable, and yet...

"Of course not. People can hear your screams from a mile away, it'd be stupid if I didn't notice." 

"It's already stupid."

"You're avoiding the question!" 

"Shouldn't you be used to this by now?" 

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of a few students rushing into class and another bell blaring to let them know that class had begun.   
\-----------------------------------  
The class ended with Ryoma in a bug cage, Maki being restrained with actual handcuffs, and Kokichi in the infirmary.  
(You should've stopped her, you coward.)

"Gonta thinks that went well!"

"Gokuhara-kun, please put your glasses on! That's Hoshi-kun in the cage, not a bug!" 

"And it's only homeroom..." 

"We should probably get to first period."   
\-----------------------------------  
His first period was math. He finds the subject relatively easy, but that didn't seem to be true to the rest of his classmates. They were given a pop quiz to test how much they knew. Then, the teacher left the classroom to 'help get Komeada out of the trash can.' 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ANSWER TO NUMBER THREE?!"

"I got 9.5..."

"I got 37!"

"I got Abraham Lincoln?"

**Author's Note:**

> woah you actually finished it, I'm shocked
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment if you did so!


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